My Living “Like/Hate” List

I know this should be obvious, and it is, but sometimes it helps reinforce things for me when I write them down.

This is going to be a living list that I’m going to update when something strikes me. It’s funny, writing all of this out makes me wish I was skinnier, but it doesn’t make me wish I was eating better food. It should, but I think I’m too sugared up right now to appreciate how bad I actually am. In a few days I’m sure I’ll sober up.

So, the moment you all have been waiting for…

What I hate about being overweight/unhealthy:

  • SWEAT PANT NATION. Next time you’re out, look around… how many people are in yoga pants, or sweat pants, or some other form of spandexy material?! I don’t know about them, but I literally have only one pair of jeans that I can wear right now… a stretchy pair from NY&Co that my sister gave me as part of her maternity wardrobe. The only reason they fit is because they’re jeggings, and no, they do not look good on me. Everything is spandex. And spandex does NOT make you look classy, cool, or attractive.
  • Dude, I am constantly gassy. I’m sorry if that’s too much info on a Monday morning, but I swear to God I never toot so much as when I am eating like crap. It does not fit in with my lovely lady persona.
  • My face. I start looking like a pumpkin, and acne happens, and I look doughy because I don’t get enough sun. And that’s not to say I’m normally chiseled, but I already have round cheeks and my heart-shaped face becomes significantly less…. heart-shaped.
  • I’m not at the heaviest I’ve ever been right now, but having been at the lowest I’ve been in a while a few months before and then shooting back up has made me realize how much I hate walking when I’m fat. I know there’s the whole thigh gap thing, and that’s never been something I had, but when you’re fat(ter) and the squishy thighs get to be TOO squishy, it’s really uncomfortable. I now know another reason why overweight people do not exercise.
  • Speaking of exercise, fat sex. uuuuuuuughhhhh. There’s just too much going on to be naked. I hate it. Jiggling, and sweating, and feeling like there’s a whole other person (aka, my belly) between the two of us…. *shudders*
  • I also hate the fear of what’s to come. I have some people in my life who, after years of not taking care of themselves (eating bad, not exercising, pushing themselves too hard to “do it all,” and who don’t get enough sleep) who are falling apart in their late 50s/early 60s. That’s only 30 more years, and I have a lot to do before then. I have to be able to dance at my son’s wedding and help him with his babies. I need to start taking care of myself now so that I can have lots of good life years in me for later.

What I like about crap food/crap lifestyle:

  •  It’s been a crutch for me for so much of my life it’s my “go to” when I feel like I can’t handle the emotional stuff. I have figured out (since) that sugar stimulates some sort of chemical in your brain responsible for those “feel good feels,” which would explain a lot haha.
  • I don’t have to cook it – normally it’s something like cereal or a bagel where I can just open a container and put it in my face
  • It’s “normal” … (1) Everyone else eats this way (2) When I’m out with friends and we stop to grab take-out, I’m the asshole trying to maneuver a container of salad in the car while driving. Oh, you’ve seen me? Yep. Thanks. (3) Pizza. It’s criminal to be denied pizza. (4) “Wait, WHAT are you doing again? Why?” *headdesk*
  • I don’t have to think or prepare well in advance for meals – I’m hungry, I eat. End of story.
  • Phish Food. Empower Mint. Chocolate Therapy. Fucking Ben & Jerry’s, man. I hate those assholes.
  • I like putting sugar (aka, cocaine) and milk in my tea. I love tea parties, and drinking sweet tea with milk gives me the happy feels. Coffee is better that way, too.

What I like about eating well and being healthy:

  • My face is blemish-free and I can get away with a scant amount of makeup. Less fuss = happy me!
  • I love not having headaches. Sometimes when I’ve been especially crappy (looking at you, Phish Food) I have a killer headache in the morning. My body can’t handle that kind of junk food, so I love not having physical complaints!
  • I like being able to pull just about anything out of my closet and be happy about the way I look in it. Granted, I am not anyone’s idea of a model, but when I can wear the things I have, I’m happy.
  • I DON’T HAVE BELLY ISSUES. Eating good food is an automatic bloat reducer, so you don’t look/feel pregnant, and for me (self-proclaimed lactose intolerant over here) I don’t have gas or feel like crap from eating dairy.
  • Feeling clear-headed. When I eat well, I think faster and more logically, I’m not on an emotional roller-coaster… I have a brain, I use it, and I don’t have weird mood swings that color my judgment.
  • Sex. Sex sex sex sex sex. Thank you, goodnight. *drops mic*